dum de dum

It has been a while since I last updated the blog. I have been super busy. Being and MT at KSU does that to a person. Oklahoma and Grapes of Wrath auditions are in 12 days (not counting today). I need to find a good character song for Oklahoma, because everyone and their mother is singing I can't say no...so I'm defiantly not doing that. The director is going to want to shoot himself by the end of the day.

I AM SO TIRED. I really don't even know why. I have gotten sleep and I have been trying to stay healthy and exercise...yet I'm completely exhausted. Oh well. It's probably because I'm constantly thinking about what I have to do next.

I am overwhelmingly happy that there are no classes tomorrow! YESSSS. A well needed day of rest :) AND GLEE IS ON AGAIN TOMORROW!!!! Thank god!

I am so excited for thanksgiving!! 13 days till Kelly and Heather are home!!!

Well..that is all for now. Off to practice music (story of my life.)

H1N1

So I'm totally fucked.

4 MT's have swine flu. Within the course of about 3 days. We spend so much time together, singing together and what not, that we are all screwed. We used to joke about how the MT's were doomed if even one person got it..well..it's happened. It's spreading super fast. I've heard it starts in the throat as a cough and I'm FLIPPING OUT because I have a cough. So many people are sick. One person has pneumonia and H1N1 and I am literally afraid for his life because the people that have does from it are people who had secondary infections. This is not a joke anymore. Katie and Vinny, I love you both. PLEASE get well soon. I will miss you both in class!

Everyone, please, take vitamins, drink juice and tea and get sleep.

This week has already been soooo long and it's only Wednesday. I was in the scene shop for 5 hours on Monday for my scenery lab and strike 14...oh my god. I have never been so hungry in my life. I thought I was going to pass out. At the end they got us pizza and i inhaled 3 pieces, I normally eat one lol. Gross!

So in MTP we are singing Monologue song. They have to be songs that are really heart felt and really mean something to us, and we have to make it relate to our lives here and now, and we have to be singing it to someone (not literally) so that the emotions come through. My song is from the Goodbye Girl and it's called "How Can I Win." It's about how she can't move on from the pain and fear she has because she doesn't believe she can. So I related to myself like this: I'm singing it to Heather, and I'm asking her to help me get through all the Pat shit I went through. Because I'm still stuck in this same spot and it's been way too long. I shouldn't be stuck here any more and I'm telling her that I don't know how to move on because I don't believe I can. So, since this is pretty true story, I'm probably going to cry in MTP tomorrow.

So I am PUMPED for Halloween! Kent pretty much rivals OU's halloween so I'm so excited to see what it's like. We have our MT party and that will probably be crazy. I'm excited to walk around Kent, they close the streets and shit cuz it's so nuts. I still need to figure out what I'm going to be haha..I will. Maybe this weekend I'll go to the thrift store.

I have a job interview tomorrow to be a nursery attendant at a church. I'm so excited!! I need money and I love kids so this could be perfect.

Off to go do work. Glee Tonight!!

Have you ever woken up and thought to yourself, "something's going to happen this week." Like, you just know its going to be a good week and something big is going to happen. Thats exactly how I feel right now. I don't know what this thing may be, but I have the feeling of anticipation.

Today I have to strike the set for 14. BOO. not ok. It's at 5 and they "expect it to last till 8 or 9" WTF?! with that many people helping it should take an hour max. I hate strikes.

I filled up my gas tank today, I guess thats exciting. I really need a job. I put my resume on the career services site for school so hopefully something comes out of that. I need moneys!

I will keep you all posted on the happenings of this week, maybe something bog will happen, or maybe I'm just nuts.

No more sad songs

I've been thinking. I don't want there to be hate in my life. It causes way to much negativity. And I also have been thinking about if I really hate anyone...and the answer is no. There is no one in the entire world I truly HATE. (yes I know...shocking.) But really I don't. If I hated the people who have caused me pain or said or did things to try to get back at them, I would be no better then they are. I don't want to be someone who is constantly seeking for revenge or filling my thoughts with negative feelings. Really, I wish these people happiness. I hope that they can learn to be better people and find their own happiness someday, because being rude and negative and causing others pain cannot bring them happiness, even if they think it can.

I wish these people well, and I hope they will one day find peace. If they keep acting the way they are though, they never will, and I feel sorry for them.

Friends

I have the most amazing friends in the entire world. This is not a new discovery in the slightest..but it's something that I take for granted. They are always there for me, and I hope they know I am always there for them. They will always come first, no matter what. I think this is something we all need to remind ourselves sometimes. Our friends are truly our family. They are the people who love us unconditionally for exactly who we are.

This weekend amber is coming home! and so is lauren! but idk if I can see lauren because she will be with Ethan and I am super busy this weekend.

Then next weekend Beth is coming home AND I am seeing my friend Hanna whom I haven't seen since the 4th grade.

THEN halloween is going to be AMAZING. Kelly and I are being Peter and Wendy. I might cry. This is like our dream...this is more than halloween to us.

I love you all. Thanks for putting up with my BS. lol.

Caution; emo moment.

I hate that I miss you. I hate that I care.

You make me sick. I don't want to feel lonely anymore. I don't want to constantly wonder what you're doing. Get out of my head. You used to call me immature, well I have news for you. YOU are the immature one. and it's sad but I can see exactly where you get it from. Aren't parents supposed to help us learn from our mistakes, tell us how to be better people? Well, when your parents are just as irresponsible and immature as you, I guess that doesn't work.

I just want peace. I just want to hear you say you're sorry. That we can be civil.

But I know that won't ever happen.

So go drink. Go sleep around and act like the big man on campus. Just remember one thing...

You knew NOTHING about girls before me. Nothing. Everything was so fucking awkward at first.

If it hadn't been for me, you'd have nothing.

You used to be a good person. But you turned right back into who you were before you knew me.

..........and yet after all this. I still care.